Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
