you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
