i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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