I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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