I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just invented taco cereal.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize