Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
