you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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