I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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