So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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