I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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