I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
