no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
