yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
