drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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