Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Randomize
