census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Bring me that man meat
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
