Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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