Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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