yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
