Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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