i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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