So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
