yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
