since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
