Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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