Umm I'm too high to move.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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