Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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