I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
