just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
