Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
