i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
