I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
