ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
