You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
