just come out here and I will go home with you...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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