my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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