You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
