someone threw a dead crab at me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
