I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
