Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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