I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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