party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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