I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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