not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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