I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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