The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
