is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
