you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
