I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
