Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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