Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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