The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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