We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
