You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
