You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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