We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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