And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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