Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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