In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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