Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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