i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So squirting runs in the family.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
