If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
