I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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