i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
