Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We left the knife in your bed.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
