Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
