I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
