Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
