Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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