It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
