i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
