I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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