so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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