Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
