after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
