Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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