I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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